Tosa Rector

The some time random but (mostly) theological offerings of a chatty preacher learning to use his words in a different medium.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Waking Up is Hard to Do

"And so in order to wake up, the one thing you need the most is not energy, or strength, or youthfulness, or even great intelligence. The one thing you need most of all is the readiness to learn something new. The chances that you will wake up are in direct proportion to the amount of truth you can take without running away. How much are you ready to take? How much of everything you've held dear are you ready to have shattered, without running away? How ready are you to think of something unfamiliar?" -- Anthony de Mello (Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality, p. 28)


The book purge continues. And an interesting thing happened in last evening's adventure into the basement. I rediscovered, buried in the bottom of a box, the book from which the above quote is drawn. Anthony de Mello, a Jesuit priest known for his writing and his leadership at spiritual conferences, was an early companinon in my explorations of the spiritual journey. Along with Joan Chittister, Thomas Merton, Thomas More, Henry Nouwen, Kathleen Norris, Parker Palmer and Eugene Peterson, de Mello introduced me to a way of reflecting upon life as it is lived -- not theorized out of a heavy tome of theology.

As I leafed through the pages of Awareness, I became painfully aware of how hard I've been working to avoid having anything "shattered". Keep it all together. Box it up. Organize it. Regardless of what "it" is. Books. Papers. Opinions. Work. Ministry. Keep everything under control. Live with the veneer of niceness. For God's sake, don't face into the harsh realities surrounding me -- injustice, oppression, violence, war, hatred and the rest. Can living neatly mitigate living in denial?

And then there's last Saturday in Tuscon. Once again I am reminded of the uncertainty of life, the consequences of violence and my own complicity in a system which benefits me while keeping so many others from enjoying the benefits of the life I so easily take for granted.

Nope. I don't want to stare into the mirror of THAT truth.
Too uncomfortable.
Easier to sort books.

Lord, have mercy.
Christ have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.

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